Why I Believe.

Recently, I have had a experiences that have caused me to pause, reflect, and reevaluate my religious beliefs. It has really set me into a deep reflection mode as I want to answer as openly and honestly as I know how--more so for myself than anything else. I thought, maybe--just maybe this could help someone else. So here it is, some of my thoughts. 

Last week, I went through my journals to look at how my testimony has developed over the years and where it has originated—I went back to 2010. (In high school, it appeared I was regularly so happy, excited about life and the gospel.) But it was when I went to live on my own, pulling away from the constant influence of family, where I started to question and discover for myself the truthfulness of the gospel---and experience the most growth.

 I want to start off with this entry (click on orange links)—maybe you relate on a grandeur scale? (I put in pictures for your viewing pleasure!)

Silence in the Storm

I noticed, following this entry, my conviction of this gospel gradually started to become stronger. As I studied and lived what I was learning—insights flooded my mind and heart and my relationship with the Savior grew. I started to see a common theme—every entry I mentioned God or His Son or this gospel. I.E. We ran the marathon in St. George in 2011 and quote: “To me, RUNNING IS SACRED. The veil becomes so thin. You experience the power of one of God’s greatest creations, our bodies.

GOD IS THE REASON I FINISHED.

The last three miles….I pleaded with Heavenly Father to help me finish, to help me put one foot in front of the other, to give me the strength to endure the pain.”   

Sept. 2011--> Talking about school, teaching, dating, etc.

 

“The Reason. I am SOOOO blissfully happy. I also am SOOOO busy. Most days, I honestly don’t know how I will accomplish everything I set out to do but somehow everything important gets done.  I feel the comfort, protection, and strength from a higher power.  No one can tell me there is not a God. God exists. His Son, Jesus Christ, is the Savior and Redeemer of the world. I feel God in EVERYTHING I do. He is not only the reason but is the means by which I am able to do all of these things.  I do not know where or what I will be doing in the future but I feel confident in the path I am taking right now to take me to the places I need and want to go. I feel peace. I feel joy.”

             And then I came across this one:

The Truth is at Our Fingertips

^^Garden of Gethsemane

Anyway, the reason I am showing you some of my journal entries is to show you a common theme throughout the last 6-7 years of my life: I have had too many experiences where God has instilled peace, comfort, happiness, security etc., to deny His existence. The gospel makes me so insanely happy. I didn’t just make these experiences up—I truly felt them.  And I continue to have these experiences as I get older…

The one experience that has testified to me of a living, loving God more than anything else I have experienced and something that I hold closest to my heart is Finn. The whole process of conception, pregnancy, and his birth was nothing short of miraculous. My body created a human being—a human being that can think, feel, breath, and live independently. The complexity and capabilities of our human bodies alone testifies, to me, of a higher power. God has given us this ability to become more like him—a creator. The veil has been more transparent in my life, than it ever has before. I feel of God’s immense love for Finn (and I am grateful for Him allowing me to experience such intense feelings of love and light)—I feel of Him molding me and shaping me with this little angel who still remembers Him. As his mother, I sense Finn’s strong spiritual connection with him. I often see it when I am not expecting it: often times, I find him looking at a picture of the Savior or watch him light up and be comforted as he hears “I am a Child of God” as if he knows what it all means or experience the overwhelming feelings that I am sure our Heavenly parents have when they looks at us. I know Heavenly Father lives.

I know my testimony is greatly attributed to things I have felt or experienced more than websites I have researched and books I have read…but if everything were perfectly logical and easy to believe in (without any unknowns or uncertainties), How would faith exist? How would we have agency? We would all believe, wouldn’t we? Faith requires all of us to step out of what we know in order to feel God’s truth. Sometimes we may feel like Peter, terrified by the storms surrounding us, yet determined to come to Christ. We may find ourselves stepping into the unknown to come unto him, with faith we shall not fall, for faith in the Lord is Power! I can assure you, you will find out for yourself!

Random Note:

Yesterday, on Easter. I went to hear Grandma Linda’s lesson about Faith Crisis and Staying on the Boat. We discussed how easily it is for people to abandon ship (abandon the gospel) when questions and doubts surface (especially in this age of technology and anyone's ability to read/post on the internet). Anyway, I was thinking about what causes most of people doubts when it comes to the Churchà well, usually it stems from things people with power do or, in some cases, do not do (including the prophet Joseph Smith).  As I was wrestling with these different thought processes and the things I have learned and things I don't know much about, a simple thought popped into my head…Joseph Smith was a prophet of the Restoration.  He was responsible for teaching with clarity and conviction about the gospel, about the Savior and His Atonement, to all mankind who would come after.  How else would he acquire a testimony of great magnitude of the Atonement without living it himself?  If he had never experienced the Savior’s power and influence in his life, how could he gain a perfect knowledge of its existence? It’s one thing to be told about it but an entirely different level of connection and knowledge to live it/experience it, firsthand.  Aside from Jesus alone, no man on the Earth is or has ever been perfect. If they were, we wouldn’t need a Savior. In no way am I justifying people’s mistakes. But to expect people to live entirely perfect is merely foolish, after all, the necessity for the Atonement is what unifies us all as children of God. We are all loved equally amongst the Lord.

I don't have all of the answers and I am still seeking for answers on some things but I choose to believe despite the unknowns. The Savior has touched my life tremendously. I cannot doubt His or My Father in Heaven's existence. I know They live. I feel it.

For more Jerusalem Posts, click HERE

A Blessed Baby

 

                                                                                                                                                    (Not pictured: Grandma + Moon Girls)

Finn James Garrett was blessed on January 3rd, on a beautiful winter morning. Carson gave him the most touching blessing, witnessed by so many people we hold so dear. My heart nearly burst as I looked out to see the grandparents, aunts, and uncles our son will have to nurture and love him his entire life. He truly recognized that as he smiled and giggled at everyone who came to support him. Finn has brought so much joy and happiness to both of our families. Despite many tragic and difficult events our families have undergone this past year, Finn has unified and uplifted us. He has brought so much light, happiness, and hope to all of us. He loves unconditionally and reminds us of what is truly important in life. The timing of his birth could not have been more miraculous. I am so grateful for the gospel and eternal families. I am so grateful Carson and I will have this angel son forever. We love you, Finn! 

Girls, Squirrels, and Hurls...

^^this is one of my fav. pictures of Dre covering her ears after being startled by their squeaks.

they were so determined to catch them. Believe it or not, they caught 3 or 4! So funny!

The Camp Director (top right). Not that she didn't have enough stress, but after painfully walking around not finding the "rock" in her shoe, she found this nail....

 ^^The first night, there was a lot of "moth" drama-->walk into the cabin + dozens of moths would fly into your face, hair, and body. You turn on your flashlight and they immediately swarm you. I laughed so hard as we were getting ready for bed. Some girls went on a rampage stomping fest--others squealed helplessly. To calm the first years down, I turned my flashlight to the corner of the room for the night.

Somehow I was roped into singing as one of the two-man"barbershop narrators" for the stake skit night. :)

I remember the first day in our new ward, I turned to Cars and whispered to him that I secretly would die if I could work w/ the young women. (It has been years since we were in a family ward.) Not even two weeks later...I was called in. And of course, I agreed to help at Girls Camp for some of the week. We went to beautiful, Camp Shalom.

Aside from dodging + cleaning puke ALL night the first night....yeah, things got real..fast.....everything rocked. The stories, the songs, the canoe rides, the games, the jokes, the food, the devotionals, the stars, etc. I just love youth! Even though I look like a yw, it was interesting to be on the other side, as a leader. I have come to know + love these girls so much more in just a few days! I want more than anything for them to see their true value, to avoid the dangers that are so easily accessible for teens, to stay resilient to the troubles they face every day! and... HOLY COW, our Camp Directors were champions for putting so much thought + work into this. I whole-heartedly commend all people who sacrifice to help the youth, to cultivate this next generation!

THREE CHEERS FOR GIRLS CAMP!!!

 How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world. 
-Anne Frank

EASTER

Three years ago, Easter took on a very different meaning for me. While living abroad in Israel, we studied and learned of our Savior, Jesus Christ. Every day we celebrated His life, His resurrection, His gospel. I came to know the Savior in a very real and life-changing way. After four months, I remember coming home utterly exhausted from the traveling, studying, and the jam-packed scheduling of our study abroad. The next morning was Easter Sunday. Still getting over extreme jet-lag, I walked into the chapel and sat down to quietly listen to the choir practice. All of a sudden, the choir started singing the hymn, "He is Risen." Before I knew it, tears were streaming down my face. Not even 48 hours earlier, I had been singing the same song at the Garden Tomb. I was simply overcome with the truthfulness and joy in its message. The testimony that I had come to instill so strongly in my heart burned within me. The Savior lives and because of it, we, too, can live again. Easter is so much more than the bunnies and eggs, it is a truly sacred and powerful celebration. 

Our Savior Jesus Christ LIVES!

(**Please note that one does not have to go to/see any of these places to know Christ, cherish Easter, or have a testimony. It is when we center our lives on Him that we come to know Him and feel of His presence--and we can do that anywhere.)

I will occasionally go through my pictures trying to remember the places and the things I learned during my stay there. It then occurred to me that it might be neat to share some of the photographs we took of the places we study in the Bible and Book of Mormon. Visuals can be helpful! 

Besides, the land is beautiful. 

***

Galilee

Galilee is a place where the Savior lived, healed, and taught during His mortal ministry. 

This land is the location of 2/3 of the New Testament events

Gamla

We hiked for about two hours to get to a synagogue at the top of Gamla. This synagogue dates back to the 1st Century...THE FIRST CENTURY...it still exists from when Christ lived and taught!

Mt. Arbel

Mount of Beattitudes

Matthew 5

(pic from Kate)

                                                                                                   

Sea of Galilee

Matthew 14: 22-33

Capernaum

Location of MANY of the Savior's miracles and teachings. 

Mathew 9: 1: "came into his own city."

Home to Peter as well.

The Road to Jericho (Wadi Qelt)

The Savior came here to commune with God.

Jerusalem Center

Jerusalem

Steps leading up to the Southern Wall of the Temple where Jesus walked often.

Garden of Gethsemane

 (A friend captured this picture of Chels and I studying in the Garden of Gethsemane. 

It makes me want to cry every time I look at this. I had the opportunity to study about the Savior, a man who descended below all, with someone who has been with me through it all. I learned so much in this sacred Garden.)

Golgatha 

                                                   (now a local bus station ^^)

The Garden Tomb

“Behold, we go up to Jerusalem; and the Son of man shall be betrayed unto the chief priests and unto the scribes, and they shall condemn him to death. And shall deliver him to the Gentiles to mock, and to scourge, and to crucify him: and the third day he shall rise again.” (Matt 20:18-19) 

"He is not here; for he is risen." -Matt. 28:6

"The greatest events of history are those that affect the greatest number of people for the longest periods. By this standard, no event could be more important to individuals or nations than the resurrection of the Master. And now, after the many testimonies which have been given of him, this is the testimony, last of all, which we give of him: That he lives! For we saw him." (D&C 76:22–23.) (Benson)

I know this to be true.

Because of Him, I am able to open my heart + mind in a way I never knew existed. I am able to find peace amongst sorrow and hope in the midst of despair. Our Savior, Jesus Christ, lives. 

Because of Him, I can love and live more fully. 

BECAUSE OF HIM

Enjoy your Easter weekend!