Breaking Gobstoppers!

Have you ever felt like you were wondering down a path, you never anticipated riding? 

You can't see very far ahead of you. You really can only live in the now?

I am on a journey that has changed my heart. 

For the last 8 months. I have put my head down and gone to work. Taking it a day/week at a time. Waking up at 6 and falling asleep on my books at midnight, creating the "perfect" lesson plan or a creative simulation. I plan two 80 minute lesson plans for over 200 hundred teenagers, every other day. I have created over a 115 lesson plans covering the depths of U.S. History and the intricacies of American Politics. On top of teaching, I coach countless hours every day after school. This last week, for example, we had a meet in St. George over the weekend and then three meets during the week. AND I was just put on as one of the head advisors for the Hope Squad-a program centered on suicide prevention programs. so.....AKA I live for these kids....really.

A month ago, I vividly remember standing in the shower, all puffy-eyed and teary, looking up at the ceiling thinking what am I doing? I could be working half as much and receiving twice the pay. I think I am in over my head. 

IN ONE CLASS ALONE, I had one student bring a gun to school (yeah-scared the living day lights out of me). Another student hospitalized for stabbing himself, attempting to commit suicide. Two students expelled. Another student who comes to school with red-blood eyes--the worst black eyes I have ever seen---he fights in SLC. Depression, anxiety, bullying....the list goes on...believe me. There are almost 40 of us in this class...AND we are still getting bigger (just got a new student this week). My other classes are just the icing on the cake, the reason I live for teaching! This one has pushed me. Some days I have wanted to hit a few heads together. I have bent over backwards, pulling out every suggestion in the books. Other days, I literally cheer out loud with the baby successes we experience! We have grown so much together.

So why did I bring this up? To pity the job? Heck no. Keep reading...

Today after school, I had a student come into class to make-up a test. After he had finished, he handed me the test and stood there for a minute. He then told me the reason he had missed the class was because he had to stay home to watch his autistic half-sister. I asked him a few questions and reassured him that it was okay and I would work with him to keep him doing well this term. He then took a deep breath....he poured out a heavy, heartfelt story about his life.

From his mother dying, abuse from a neglectful stepmother, terrible bullying from students, and his adulthood responsibilities at home. There was a second when I was talking with him that I looked up out the window to keep from tears rolling down my face. This kid has not been a stellar student. In fact, I have had many complaints from other students about how pessimistic and mean he could be. It was not unusual for him to come into class and say something negative to which I would joke with him back about how I missed him terribly. From subtly putting paper/pencil on his desk for the days he just gives up or kneeling by his desk to be that quiet voice of encouragement as we do a projects, we have worked on this. Baby steps.

We talked for 20-30 minutes. We talked about college and came up with a plan to break this cycle of poverty. At the end, he quietly lifted his head and said, "Thank you, Mrs. Garrett. You are the first person that I have told this to in the 7 years since it has happened. I bottled it all up. I cried once, the night of my mother's death, and I have not cried since. People have laughed at my buck-teeth and have made jokes about me--teachers and students--judge me. It used to make me so angry but I just deal with it".....eyes watering up, he looked up, "But I trust you. I know you care. It feels good to finally get it off my chest and tell someone."

I would be lying if I told you all of these terrible home situations are resolved and everyone lived happily ever after....BUT I can say, don't give up on what seems like a hopeless situation. In whatever work you do, people are relying on you to be and give your best. Although the home-problems have not all been resolved--we are moving "mountains" in this little class. The boy that appears to have a shell harder than a Gobstopper--really needed to be heard. Others need to feel genuinely cared for, that they matter. That they have someone who believes in them. Many of these students, mentioned above, have told their mothers that they are taking my class AGAIN next year--not because they have to but because they "neeeed to have me and my class one more year." Others have become my biggest advocate about keeping the students in line. These students act out not because they are bad kids but because there is a major necessity that is not being fulfilled. 

I wouldn't trade this job for the world. I have felt God's hand strongly and I have seen Him mold me immensely with this job. Yes, there are days that are just plain hard, but these kids blow me away with how talented and resilient they are.  I don't think this just applies to high school students, either. Life gets hard. Understanding and working with others can be hard. What we need is a little more love and a little less judging. We all need to feel love, so let's give more of it...

We all can change the world because we all have the power to change one world.

For me, it is here, with these kids who need me as much as I need them!

"Education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world."-Nelson Mandela

P.S. We are off to another track meet. 

Wish 'em Pioneers luck!

**None of this would be possible without my sweetheart, who takes care of me as I take care of them. You are a champion of champions.