The Hardest Decision

A month ago, I made a really difficult decision. I had to choose whether or not I would continue teaching high school. For two years,  I woke up at 6am and came home around 6pm (to continue working, of course)--unless we had a meet (which turned out to be 3-4x a week during track season) and then I would be home around 10:30pm. Our baby is due in November. You do the math. I know it would be possible...but there is NO way I could continue that schedule and be the mother/ teacher I want to be. 

Deep down, I knew what I needed to do. Being a mother is my top priority in this life. 

This is such an exciting time--yet, this decision is still hard to swallow. 

As school came to a close, countless numbers of students brought me gifts and wrote me letters. I nearly cried every day that last week. They all knew I was expecting....but they were all expecting me to be back at school next year. I kept thinking...maybe I could make this work. However, I knew I had to make the official decision but I could not bare to tell them it could potentially be the last time I would see many of them. Reflecting on the memories, I saw kids turn their lives around entirely, firsthand. There were so many great discussions, hilarious classroom simulations, incredible projects created, phenomenal papers/screen plays written, and so on. We experienced so much together. Other students (who come from broken families) were going to graduate AND go to college--the first of any family member. Others going on to do big, exciting things. Gahh! I get excited just thinking about them--these teenagers are my life. I witnessed so many miracles the last few years. 

 Investing two years of my life into these students and this profession instilled in me a passion for teaching and humanity. I really gave EVERYTHING I had to Lehi High School, to my students + athletes. I knew if I was going to do this, I was going to do this the right way...150% committed. All in. It is hard to invest so much and then to let it go--cold turkey. I believe teaching to be one of the most rewarding professions on the planet (biased, I know)! But...I truly found my niche.

I continued to pray deeply about it. 

The school gave me so many wonderful options to consider. I know I could do both but I never felt peace about that option. I received great advice from all over the board. However, every person and every situation is so different. Some mothers do not have the opportunity to make this decision. Some choose to work. Others dedicate their lives to rearing children. Women are incredible and are needed. Period. What works for one woman may not always work for another. What may even work for one specific woman one year may not work for her the very next year. It is all so personal. As I continued to ponder + pray about my many options, I knew in my heart and my mind--I needed to be at home. For me, at this time, this little boy needs me here with him. I feel strongly about it. 

I cried about leaving for a week straight. I had consistent dreams...ugh...nightmares about going to the school and not being able to teach my students anymore :) (I know, pathetic, eh?)

As I cleaned out my classroom, I went through and read letter after letter. It was so healing for me. I created this shadow box (above ^^) with some of my students' letters to remind me of all of the good times we had AND to remind me to keep the passion + drive alive in my life, no matter what road I take. Who knows, I could easily come back in the future?! 

 I am pressing forward in preparation for this sweet babe. I will continue to coach XC and Track at the high school, this great outlet to exercise other skills/talents, still building many relationships. 

At this time, I am humbled and extremely grateful that I could be apart of a small chapter of these peoples' lives and they could be apart of mine. I will ALWAYS revere it as a time of tremendous light, passion, growth, and unexplainable bliss!