Captain Of My Soul

It has been a month since I have blogged. It's terrible. I know.

I am in California. [We are here, as the Lehi XC team, to race at Footlocker this weekend!] After a crazy, fun, event-filled two days, I am sitting here in my quiet hotel room (eating the frozen dinners we all picked up from Walmart) thinking...how did I get to where I am? I never anticipated this is where I would be, dedicating my life to these teens. Life can pull some unforeseen, incredible plot twists. I thought I would write....

I am five months into my second year of teaching high school. Five months! This new year has brought more confidence and balance. It's so rewarding and I feel I am in my element. I love coaching and mentoring my athletes/students. I have already had BYU send students in their practicum to my class for two weeks to learn "how to become a great teacher"…. when I was there, we only went to teachers with ten+ years of experience....(I emailed BYU’s Head Educational Chair to verify that they know what they were doing...) Between teachers coming to watch me teach every other day for ideas or others who email me regularly for advice, I am starting to make a small name for myself in this field. 

Despite the monumental things I was experiencing, however, I found that I was being really hard on myself...for many things that were out of my control.  I worried if I didn't reach a student/parent like I would want or over-analyzing the ways I could have done/handled something better. The list goes on. Sometimes I felt that my perfectionism and my sensitivity to others were more of a hindrance than a strength.

I received this message form a former teacher, whom I think very highly of: "Now just you listen to me! Don't be so hard on yourself, I saw "teacher" in you years ago, and from what I see and what I hear (yes, I hear about you clear up here at Dear Old Davis High) you are, as they say, killin it!"

And then it hit me, I just need to give my best--and not stress the rest! I started to re-channel my focus. I cannot please everyone and I cannot control others---> but I can control myself. Therefore, I have a daily choice--whether it is: to be happy, to have a positive attitude, to be the bigger person, to stand up for my beliefs, to forgive, to be true to myself, etc. We may not be able to change some situations/circumstance but we can change our mindsets. 

I love the poem, Invictus: 

"I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul."  Why feed a good machine bad fuel? 

Why tear yourself apart when you are the commander in charge of your own life? Whether you think you can or you think you can't, you are right. Let's be good to ourselves. 

As I started to focus on the miracles I was seeing, the positive experiences I was having, and the growth I was making, I felt more love for myself and for others. I continue to feel God's hand in every day of my life. And I am a better teacher for it.

I never grew up wanting to be a teacher. In fact, some days I wonder how I got here at LHS. But it is when I have random students begging to come sit in on one of my lessons, or the days we all dive in-- working together to learn/connect to our history, or simply when students burst into my room first thing in the morning to say hello or that they love me, that I know, I am in the right place. Today, I am just so grateful for what I do. #teacher

I don't want to get to the end of my life and find that I lived just the length of it. I want to have lived the width of it as well. - Diane Ackerman